Overthinking (Archive)

Feb 09, 2016 by R.C. Nechamkin
I’d like to think that I have perfected the craft of overthinking. In an attempt to meticulously calculate the outcome of every event, I get hung up on imaginary scenarios and place problems where none exist. I tell myself that I would much rather do or say what feels natural rather than spending such an unnecessary amount of time editing and processing what I will do or say. A balance must be made and maintained between overthinking and doing what comes naturally, and I struggle with this particularly in relationships and art.

When it comes to relationships, I have these weird, seemingly contradicting ideologies. On one hand, I believe a relationship requires sacrifice, and you must think carefully about how what you say affects the ones you love. On the other hand, I think a relationship should form and feel natural and shouldn’t hinder you from being one-hundred-percent yourself unapologetically including the abrasive parts of you. Fear floods my consciousness whenever I come across a relationship that does not feel natural. Regardless of how much I protest it, I suffer from the fatal flaw of believing too much in love at first sight. I don’t only mean a romantic, Eros type of love at first sight either, but also a friendly, Philia type of love at first sight. When meeting new people and making new friends, I too often dismiss the ones who don’t immediately connect with me. I know this is wrong though. I know that nobody reveals themselves entirely with their first impression, and I probably miss out on a plethora of perfect candidates.

When I write, I spend way more time editing than I do writing. The perfectionist in me has proven to primarily provide negativity in this case. In conversing as well as writing, I spend far too much time trying to perfect what I wish to say rather than focusing on just saying it. To me, writing paints pictures of the ideas that rest in my brain, and I spend so much time picking which colors and shades to use that I sometimes forget the original intention of the picture. The fact that these colors and shades don’t come naturally to me frustrate me to no end, and I semi-frequently think about dropping the idea of painting these pictures altogether. This happens when I begin to argue with people I love as well: the thought that if we love each other, the relationship should come naturally entrances me, and part of me wants to throw in the towel. This is not how life works though; not everything worth having will come naturally. It seems I’m overthinking the idea of not overthinking and letting things come naturally.