Right Now (Archive)

Mar 02, 2016 by R.C. Nechamkin
Romantic nostalgia is dangerous. I don’t understand why I crave for something that once was rather than absorbing what is.  Even in the good old days, I would reminisce about the good old days that came before that. An overwhelming ambivalence consumes me when I start to gaze too heavily into the past. Whether it’s a fond memory or not, I glorify previous experiences perhaps because of the comfort in knowing what will happen. I don’t have to focus on what the future holds when I think about the past, for I already know the answer. Yesterdays distract too much from todays. They selfishly beg for your attention only to leave you wanting.

Tomorrows aren’t any more giving. If I don’t daydream about the past, I worry about the future. Even when the waters are calm, my concerns about the next storm hinder me from properly appreciating the smooth sailing. I also often get hung up on what it’ll be like to return to land again. Idealizing the future could be more than dangerous stressing about the future. The higher the expectations, the greater the chance of disappointment. Confusingly, high expectations allow for larger ambitions as well though.

Todays don’t get enough credit. I long for yesterdays and tomorrows while not focusing nearly enough on todays. Appreciating the present tests my peace of mind. The past romantically calls for my attention while the future eats my hopes and fears, but the present demands nothing. Every single moment, I face the choice of whether to appreciate that moment or not. My emotions derive from my mentality. Only I can decide the worth of my previous experiences and the value of not knowing what will happen. Maybe right now matters more than earlier or later because right now I select how I feel about earlier or later.